Our Continued Disagreement

I have a tendency to want to prooftext things. When I am thinking about theological issues particular verses and passages pop into my head as "relevant." I don't think I like that really. It is good to have an idea of what the bible specifically speaks to something, but I want to be able to approach the issue with an understanding of how the whole of scripture, how the whole of the Gospel addresses a situation.

These thoughts are coming from a conversation I had with my friend holly about a teaching I gave at our weekly Three Nails gathering. The center of my teaching was an understanding of grace that is free and comes as a result of our total depravity through the incarnation, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

There is a contrast between a belief of total depravity (a complete inability to do good outside of the good fruit that occurs naturally as a result of the good root that is God within us) and a belief of progressive sanctification (that the good image with which we were created, while broken, is still capable of some good and our sanctification is the continued progression toward life that is fostered and nurtured by our Creator).

I know that I do not have all of the angles in the discussion covered, but these are the thoughts that are swirling around in my head. I know that there are differing opinions and ideas and interpretations of the scriptures and that many will respectfully disagree with mine and the same for me and others'. The question is how do we discuss without debating. How do we have fundamental differences in our view of grace and responsibility and continue to truly respect and love one another?

Holly, this is the discussion I want to be having. I am not so concerned about the above debate. I want us to live life together, have discussions along the way, and ultimately press deeper and deeper into the love and truth of God as he reveals it to us. Let's save the debate for another day.

The Worry Wort (sp?)

Five couples...two batches of pad thai...1 far too time consuming game of skip bo.

That was last night.

Today I am at work. My last day at Rynn's Luggage in the South Side. It is time to leave, time to worry about where the next paycheck will come from, time to remember that I don't have it figured out.

I find it amazing how many things there are to worry about. I findit ridiculous how many things that I worry about and how many things other people worry about and how easily we get frustrated at each other for worrying about stupid things when there are so many important things to worry about.

They are all stupid yet we find such comfort in our worries...why? I am guessing it has something to do with control becuase I am finding more and more that everything gets back to control, back to original sin, if you dig deep enough. Is it the terrifying realization that we are not in control?

I can think of two situations where the potential for worry is found: having responsibility for something and caring for someone. Worry comes when there is a chance that something we are responsible for might not work out as we hope (important meeting, preparing dinner, a hot date), or when there is an indication that someone we care for may change in a way that is not desirable to us (strange behavior, death, etc).

This is my premise and I have come up with many ideas and thoughts surrounding worry and control and the like, but I have decided to leave all of that out in hope that others will share their thoughts and opinions on worry.

Why do we worry? Are we claiming control and responsibility for things that are not our own? Or are some things under our control and things that we are responsible for? I don't know and I think I will opt out of feeling like I must have an answer.

Worn out

I hope this is not becoming a pattern. After last semester I was tired, I mean really worn out, and it wasnt until halfway through january on a trip to florida that I regained some sense of energy and vitality. It was only by the gentle hand of God that I was truly refreshed. I looked at my journal and almost every entry for a month began with "I'm tired..." It wasnt until one morning in florida when I woke up at 8 am with no alarm fully refreshed that I started feeling normal and healthy again.

I feel tired again...really tired.

I am in this constant struggle as to whether I am going to continue my seminary education. I have so many things on my plate and they are good things, but I dont know if school is going to make the cut. I dont want to take classes for the sake of pursuing a degree. I want to want to do the work and learn the things I am learning. Part of me does, but there are so many things that eek out schoolwork and it ends up being the last thing on the list. Something to be put off until it must absolutely be done. I dont want to just do enough in grad school like I did in undergrad. I also dont want to be exhausted and in debt.

I have been asked to help run point for a fledgling church plant (which is a terrible term, any refrence to church with an "a" in front makes me uncomforable) and I do not know what that is going to end up looking like.

On a different note, for better or worse, I can look at the past few weeks and notice how different the days are when I dont set any (or much) time aside for the Lord. It has been quite remarkable.

And I just met my kathryn's ex-fiancee for the first time tonight. I dont know why it is so hard for me to like this guy. He seems like a decent guy and kathryn cares very much for him, but I just dont want anything to do with him. Since he lives 6 hours away I would think this wouldnt be a big deal, but kathryn is adamant about me getting to know him and liking him. I dont understand why I cant just ignore him. There are plenty of other friends of hers that I will never get to know. Granted, I havent had to pray through the same kind of unrational animosity toward them as I have toward him, but as it stands I dont dislike him, i just dont want to sit around a table with a bunch of people I dont know and talk about his family and how wonderful his sister and brother are. Maybe I am being unreasonable and I am probably still holding onto some unclaimed bitterness, but it feels like one more thing I dont have the energy to sort through right now....Man am I tired.