Higher Standards

I have recently been ordained to the Priesthood and this has led to more than one conversation about how things are different now that I am ordained.  A common question concerns whether or not I feel that I should be held to a higher standard now that I am a priest. 

As you might guess most people say I should be, but my answer is and will always be an emphatic "No, absolutely not." 

This is not because I want to leave room for promiscuous or delinquent behavior, it is simply a reality.  As a priest, I should not be held to a higher standard because I cannot be held to one; there is no higher standard. The very concept is an illusion.

The Law holds all people to the same standard, "Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matt. 5:48)  There is only one standard for all, priest or not, and it cannot be any higher.

The problem is accurately expressed in the movie "Keeping the Faith" where Ed Norton (a Roman Catholic Priest) and Ben Stiller (a Rabbi) have this exchange:

Stiller: Jews want their rabbis to be the kind of Jews they don't have the time to be.

Norton:  Yeah, and Catholics want their priests to be the kind of Catholics they don't have the discipline to be.

...But we're not and we never will be.

The heart of the issue is not whether certain people should be held to higher standards because of their calling, but the degree to which we underestimate our own sin.  This is why we are quickly becoming a nation of atheists and agnostics.  We have such a low view of the Law and what is demanded of us that we think we are doing good enough to pass. We trick ourselves into thinking we are "doing alright" and that we are "good people." We lower the bar for ourselves and raise the bar for everyone else so that we feel okay about ourselves.  We don't realize that no one passes save Jesus himself.  We don't realize we stand under judgment in desperate need of a savior, a substitute.  This is why we stop thinking Jesus matters. We become secular humanists attempting to make the world a better place, where everyone acts like us.

So, go ahead and try to hold me to a higher standard.  I promise it will still be too low compared to the standard my Lord has for me.  But God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ while we were still dead in our transgressions.  Amen.

Fleeing from the Law

So I have a pretty close friend in the hospital.  She is young and had been there for a couple months now.  I visit her 2-3 times a week and am usually there anywhere from 2-6 hours at a time.  There are a myriad of reasons why I go, some noble and some selfish, but it was always a pleasure to visit her.  Even when she was doing very poorly and didn't really make any sense when she spoke I enjoyed our time together.  That was until last night.

A friend of the family called around to people who visited a lot and asked us to sign up for weekly time slots so that the family could have some planned rest and a regular-ish schedule.  My shift is Thursday nights from 6:30-10pm.  Last night was my first "shift" with her.  I arrived 15 minutes late and left 15 minutes early. 

Requirements and restrictions only breed lawlessness and rebellion.  I am convinced of this.  So many believe that Christians should be purveyors of morality and good living.  I say hang it all and let people live.  Let them come experience the grace of God in the face of their sin and see what they do.  People have a pretty good sense of what they need to do and if they aren't doing it, it isn't because they don't know any better, it's because they can't.  More clarity on the rules isn't going to help.

There is so much fear over what people would do if the Church really offered freedom.  How people would take the grace of God and treat it as if it were cheap and meaningless.  I can't speak for everyone, but I can say this...last week you couldn't hold me back from that small hospital room on 12 North and now I just think about how I have to go next Thursday.  I am not a better person for it.  Let's give freedom a try.

A Quote Too Good Not to Post

"Christianity is not a system for making people good, it is about helping people deal with the fact that they are not good."

Serenity

"Serenity" was a movie born out of a short-lived TV show called "Firefly."  To get an idea of the setting, think Wild West in space and then, if you can figure out how that could possibly be any good, you will be on the right track.

The power of the show is in the characters that make up the pirate crew of the Firefly class spaceship named "Serenity." They are remnants of a rebellion against "The Alliance" (the confederation of civilized and technologically advanced planets toward the center of the galaxy) and long after the war is lost they continue in their opposition while attempting to survive the harsh life of the outer planets.  Their ship is falling apart, they are poor, and every step of the way they are barely holding on.

As the plot unfolds, we discover that the Alliance is seeking to eliminate rebellion and  trouble in their civilization by destroying "sin" (yes, that is the actual word they use).  In their efforts they invented a compound that suppresses the violent urges of human beings.  They experiment with this compound on a planet of people who quickly become pleasant, docile, and peaceful.  The Alliance has created a Utopian society where all obey the law perfectly, there is no rebellion, and all contribute to the upward spiral of human civilization. 

Man has conquered sin...or so they think.

It turns out that as the compound's effects progress people stop doing anything at all.  Not only do they cease to rebel, but they cease to do anything.  Everyone lies down and stops working, playing, talking, eating, and drinking, until finally, they stop breathing.  That is, everyone but the tiniest percentage of those who have quite a different reaction.  Those few become monsters. They stop feeling anything at all and lose their minds.  These twisted lepers do not lie down to die, but spend the rest of their existence feeding off any life that they encounter, destroying it utterly.  Consuming all in their path.

Mal (the captain) and his crew discover this truth that has been hidden from everyone and set out to shed light where there is darkness.  They succeed, but with terrible losses to their own.

The movie concludes with this conversation as the Serenity is taking off to its next destination. In it, Mal and River put to words the central theme of all that has been portrayed to this point.

Mal: You know what the first rule of flying is?

River: I do. But I like to hear you say it.

Mal:  Love. You can learn all the math in the 'verse, but you take a boat in the air that you don't love and she'll shake you off just as sure as the turn of the worlds.  Love keeps her in the air when she ought to fall down, tells you she's hurting before she keels, makes her a home.

[Rain pattering as they take off]

River: Storm's getting worse.

Mal: We'll pass through it soon enough.

[They exit the atmosphere of the planet and the rain stops]

This crew of rebels love one another and it is this love that makes their story so incredible. Their messy lives are held together by love and it is that love that stands in direct opposition to a "civilization" who seeks to make a perfect world by their own might.  They resist because they know no such reality is possible by force or control or technology, but only by love...and that is the one thing The Alliance lacks.

I believe this is our experience too.  We fight so hard to make our lives better and to control the world around us.  We convince ourselves with technology and enough determination we can eliminate hunger and pain and suffering, but we can't and our attempts to do so only seem to kill people or turn them into monsters.  The only thing with the power to do so is love and the only access we have to that love is the grace of God mediated by Jesus Christ alone. The story of "Serenity" is our story as a civilization...and the storm is getting worse. But I promise we will pass through it soon enough as we are carried ever upward not by ourselves, but by the love of God.

No, We Cannot

"Our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please." (President Barack Obama)

Amen. Amen.  I can only hope that a fraction of what was promised today comes to pass.  It will not happen by force of arms or by the weight of American power and control.  It will happen through peace, love, and charity.  May we all live to see the day when that is the approach of the United States to the world.  May we live to see the day when that is the approach of the Church to the world.

Today is truly a great day to be an American...even if the Dow is going to fall a few hundred points today.

When the Wheels Come Off

It is amazing how often I seem to need to be reminded of what I already believe.  I teach, I preach that we cannot control anything.  That the more we try the more we mess things up, the more we mess people up.  Whether it is our families, our careers, our daily routine, or our lives themselves, the more we try to reign something (or someone) in and make it (or them) do what we want, the more quickly we lose control...and then the wheels come off.

It is this point where we get pissed off and frustrated with everything and everyone, including ourselves, and wonder what the hell we were doing, what on earth went wrong.  We had it all figured out.  We were going to drive to the mall to run some errands and got a flat tire, we went to pay for the cart full of groceries and found we left our wallet at home, we tell our kids how they should behave and they do the opposite every time.  We try to quit smoking or drinking or lying and by the next day we are lighting up, pouring 18 year-old single malt scotch over ice, or telling our wife we were out with the guys.

We think we can change and do it right the next time, but we really can't, we do it again.  We have the best intentions and somehow end up hurting those we love more than we do when we are not trying so hard.

This is why I need grace, I need forgiveness, I need a substitute.  I know I sound like a broken record, but I need it so bad.  I look out the window at the world where I am cursed and blessed in which to live.  I balk.  I stay in out of the cold, hide away from the challenges and defeats that await me, known and unknown, but sooner or later I step out and my only hope is that I am not alone.  The only chance of reaching my destination is on account of a loving God whose word to me is, "You are my son, I love you, I forgive you, in you I am well pleased."  

Trust in a loving God who does and can control all things and will always, whether I understand it or not, do it better than me is all I have to hold on to and it is all I need.  Thank you Lord Jesus for loving me.

Calling Good Evil and Evil Good

I was perusing the "Best of Craigslist" today and came across the posting CAT FOUND where someone apparently found a possum on their back porch and, thinking it was someone's lost cat, took it in and posted it on craigslist.

I have a hard time believing this post is legitimate, but it reminds me of how often I call possums cats, only when I do it, I am much less funny.

I see things in this world that disgust me, pain and suffering, natural disasters and war, extreme poverty and extreme wealth, and part of me questions the goodness of God because of them, but most of me accepts that I simply cannot understand the things of God.  This has nothing to do with putting blinders on to the world or trying to ignore the reality and so-called "problem" of evil. It has everything to do with the realization that I get possums and cats mixed up all the time. 

While I may not understand what God is doing in the world around me, I do know God has done inside of me. I am a wretched man and yet I am loved more than my feeble mind can comprehend.  The same part of me that questions a loving God in this broken world is the same part of me that calls this love bad and clings to what I hate.

And so here I am, doing the best I can with what I've got, knowing that it is not good enough. Knowing that I am not an expert on cats or possums. Carried ever onward by the knowledge that I am loved on account of Jesus and declared a son of God.

Imputation

Imputation is a strange word that theologians have used in attempt to describe the way we become righteous.  It means that we are righteous because we are declared so on the basis of Jesus' merit alone. It is righteousness given to us. It is not righteousness we earn with God's help.

To be honest, I am not even sure I have defined it well, but definitions are usually less helpful than illustrations.  So, here is today's story of imputation...

I am a newly ordained priest who for the first time is living his vocation as opposed to preparing for it. Now that I am here, I am terrified that I will not be a good priest.  Terrified because I have invested so much in this. Terrified because I truly believe it to be my call.  Terrified because it is the only thing that makes sense to me to do with my life...what if I can't cut it?

Today, I received a letter from a woman who has visited our church a few times.  The letter was written to tell me I would be a wonderful priest, that she knew I became a priest for all the right reasons.  I cannot describe in words the encouragement that she offered me through such a simple gesture.  Anxiousness fell away, fear dissipated, and I am left with love and joy.

I didn't do anything to illicit such a response.  She has little evidence of me being any good at this. There are many people better suited to make such a judgment and many of them may disagree with her conclusion, but she told me I would be a wonderful priest and it doesn't even matter if empirically speaking she is right, because it makes me so.

I may not be able to define imputation well, but I can say that this letter has made me a better priest than four years of seminary combined.

Digging Down Deep

I had a remarkable experience of forgiveness last week.  I was simply horrible to someone very dear to me and I was horrified.  I hadn't acted that way toward someone in many years (if ever), and worse yet, it was toward someone I have only known a short while.  I had no past hurts to draw upon to justify my action, nothing I could point to that would mitigate the offense.  It was pure and simple meanness that came solely and completely from me, unprovoked and undeserved. 

I rarely get upset or treat my friends badly, but when I am hurt I can be very nasty.  It is only after this very unique experience where there was not any harm done or even intended that I realize I have forgotten a big piece of forgiveness, the undeserved and unmerited nature of it. 

With so many of my friends and family forgiveness has become routine.  Its weight and significance lessened because I have turned it into a quid pro quo rather than forgiveness.  Instead of wiping the slate clean, the scales are balanced. Instead of loving, I am enduring.  I start to think that I deserve to be forgiven because others are wronging me. 

This is not the love or the forgiveness that God offers us through the merit of Jesus.  There is never wrong done to me by God and there is always wrong done by me to God.  Yet I am forgiven.  The slate is wiped clean, my relationship is restored, and I am loved, declared a son of God, an heir with Jesus.  I am not overwhelmed by anxiety wondering when I will go too far and sin too much and step outside the bounds of God’s forgiveness…I am simply forgiven.  Loved. 

This reality crushes me to the core, but I am distracted by my feeble imitation of “forgiveness.” And yet, there are moments like this past week when I am reminded of what I have actually been given and I can scarcely breathe.  I am overwhelmed by love, by forgiveness, by grace. 

So thank you K. for your inspired forgiveness and grace.