When the Wheels Come Off

It is amazing how often I seem to need to be reminded of what I already believe.  I teach, I preach that we cannot control anything.  That the more we try the more we mess things up, the more we mess people up.  Whether it is our families, our careers, our daily routine, or our lives themselves, the more we try to reign something (or someone) in and make it (or them) do what we want, the more quickly we lose control...and then the wheels come off.

It is this point where we get pissed off and frustrated with everything and everyone, including ourselves, and wonder what the hell we were doing, what on earth went wrong.  We had it all figured out.  We were going to drive to the mall to run some errands and got a flat tire, we went to pay for the cart full of groceries and found we left our wallet at home, we tell our kids how they should behave and they do the opposite every time.  We try to quit smoking or drinking or lying and by the next day we are lighting up, pouring 18 year-old single malt scotch over ice, or telling our wife we were out with the guys.

We think we can change and do it right the next time, but we really can't, we do it again.  We have the best intentions and somehow end up hurting those we love more than we do when we are not trying so hard.

This is why I need grace, I need forgiveness, I need a substitute.  I know I sound like a broken record, but I need it so bad.  I look out the window at the world where I am cursed and blessed in which to live.  I balk.  I stay in out of the cold, hide away from the challenges and defeats that await me, known and unknown, but sooner or later I step out and my only hope is that I am not alone.  The only chance of reaching my destination is on account of a loving God whose word to me is, "You are my son, I love you, I forgive you, in you I am well pleased."  

Trust in a loving God who does and can control all things and will always, whether I understand it or not, do it better than me is all I have to hold on to and it is all I need.  Thank you Lord Jesus for loving me.