I remember going out to dinner when I was a kid for my father's birthday and not understanding why he wouldn't want everyone to sing to him and give him a free dessert, but now I understand. I am 29 and it makes complete sense. I don't want anyone to make a big deal or sing happy birthday. I don't mind people giving me stuff, but I would prefer it without the whole birthday thing.
Why do I care if people celebrate me being another year older? I am not sure, but my hunch is that I don't like being cheered on for something I had nothing to do with. I didn't do anything to get a year older, I didn't do anything to deserve presents or a cake or a special dinner and so I don't want to make a big thing out of it.
This clicked for me and I realized that I don't like my birthday for the same reason I struggle with grace. I don't like the idea of something for nothing. I don't like to be celebrated without accomplishment. The world has convinced me that I need to earn everything that comes to me, yet the gospel, along with everyone wishing me a happy birthday, screams out in celebration for me simply exisiting. Not for anything I have done or am doing, just simply for me being me because I am loved.
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