The Consequences of Responsibility

My best friend just called. He said that if he and I left tomorrow to go to Philadelphia we could ski in Vermont for the cost of a $50 bus ride. I said I could not because I just got back from Philly and I have work that needs to be done and a worship gathering for Threenails that I am responsible for seeing through.

He called back 5 minutes later and said that we didn't even need to pay for the bus ride. Get to Philly and it's all free. Totally free. Damn it. I can't go.

Do I love skiing? Yes. Would I miss this worship gathering for recreation? No. It is as simple as that. A large part of me is astounded at the response. How could I pass up free skiing in Vermont? (Did I mention that I had been hoping to ski there for the past two years?) Ridiculous.

I have experienced two kinds of responsibility in my life. There is the kind that makes me feel trapped and smothered. A responsibility that has little freedom in it and consists almost entirely of guilt. The other contains nothing but freedom. Guilt cannot enter in because it is part of who I am; who God has made me to be in his grace. To shirk that responsibility would be to deny who I am as a part of the body of Christ. I gladly sacrifice my earthly desires for them. It is the only thing that makes sense.

I think that is the thing about the gospel, especially when it is internalized. Our sinful rebellion is as much about us rebelling against ourselves as it is about us rebelling against God. In fact, I think that is at the heart of sin. Sin is not just something that God decided he doesn't want us to do. It is something that runs contrary to our creation and when we indulge in our sinful desires we are destroying ourselves from the inside out. The wages of sin is death because it undermines who we are.

Am I sad that I cannot go skiing this weekend? Yes. Will I lose any sleep over it? No. I will rest soundly in who I am and what I have been called to be.